This past Sunday, May 6th, would have been my father's 71st birthday. I knew it wasn't going to be an easy day and in fact the weeks leading up to it were rough too. I tend to push certain thoughts away for as long as I can until they suddenly flood back to me and the dam breaks. Once that dam breaks it's hard to stop the tears so I hold it together for as long as possible. There are so many occasions and just daily events that make me miss my father. Taking walks through the woods, cooking the meals he showed me, having a rough day and desperately needing a hug from him. Barely a breath goes by where I don't long to hear him say "hey, beautiful" as he smiles warmly at me. I was always beautiful to him.
There was also a full moon this past Sunday and whenever I see the moon I think of my father. When I was a teenager he and I walked down to the park in the middle of winter to watch a lunar eclipse and I remember sitting on the swings with him listening to him talk about the stars and planets. My mother tells me that when I was little he used to take me out on his shoulders at night to say goodnight to the moon and while I don't remember that, my heart knows how sacred that is. So I went out Sunday night and stood in my back yard and waited patiently for the moon to rise over the hills. My black cat Owl kept me company as she nestled down in the grass and I eventually had to bring my dog Jazzmin out because she was displeased mama was outside without her. Having Jazz and Owl both out in the yard only created one instance of the dog trying to chase the cat and drag me after but once that was all straightened, life returned to calm. Watching the sky and clouds illuminated by the moonlight before it even cleared the hills was absolutely beautiful and for once it wasn't windy. I was chilled by the time the moon rose but seeing it full and bright warmed my heart and spirit. My father is always watching over his little girl and even through my tears I always see his kind face and feel his love for me in the light of the moon. I miss you, Daddy...
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Every weekday the alarm on my Droid phone goes off at 5am, inevitably bringing to an end whatever peculiar dreams I was having. The sun rises earlier and earlier as summer approaches but I'm still up and at it before its done yawning and stretching its way up over the hills. I love getting up early in the summer and watching the sky lighten with the dawn of a new day. Life is too precious to waste it lying in bed when nature is putting on such a glorious display. As the days get warmer (hopefully) I'm going to start walking my loyal pooch in these early hours and it will be interesting to see what examples of country creatures are out and about before the sun rises. Every day is an adventure here in the country and I do my best to take in and appreciate every new moment.
Today is my closest and longest friend's birthday and I wish we could get together and go dancing tonight. She and I both deserve a night of fun for everything we've gone through and the battles we continue to fight. I do believe in soul mates and she is mine. We understand each other so well and I hope she knows that I will always have her back! I am the kind of person who will be the most loyal friend you've ever known if you earn a place in my heart. Friendship goes both ways though and I'm not a doormat and I will not allow myself to be mistreated and used. I am pretty darn easygoing so losing my friendship takes some serious effort. I have walked away from few friendships in my life but my collection of friends is very small. I have a small loyal group of comrades who understand and love all my quirks. If you can't accept me for who I am and see that I shine with my own unique light then it is truly your loss. I do no say that out of conceit because I consider myself a fairly humble person. I am an unforgettable force and my memory will endure long after people mistakenly let me slip from their lives. Taio Cruz's song "Make It Last Forever" just came on from my playlist....so fitting. |
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